The Struggles of Being a Big Brother

Being a big brother is not easy. There are easy things and rewarding things about it, but ultimately there is a different sense of responsibility about this role. You are the mediator to the parents. You are entrusted to take care of your younger siblings when your parents are not around. You need to be a good influence on them. Younger siblings look up to you differently than they would their parents, they always want to impress you and hang out with you. There is never really the phase of, “Oh I am too cool for you” that children normally experience with their parents or on the converse, older siblings to younger siblings. They want to be a part of your life more than anything. These are all “rules” of life that are not out of the ordinary. It is normal for the older sibling to have more responsibility and is normal for the younger sibling to want to impress the older.

My relationship with my little brothers has blossomed as they have grown up but there have been frustrating moments. I now realize a majority of these frustrating moments were caused by my own ideas of how they should act and the way their minds should work. I spent too much time thinking from my perspective versus thinking from the mind of a teenage boy.

The main example of this is within sports. I reached the Division 1 level as an athlete and excelled at 3 sports in high school. Knowing what I know now, I would change so many habits of how I practiced and worked during high school. However, at the time, I did not know any better. I struggled with my little brothers because I believed I knew what it takes to reach the highest level of what they could be. I struggled because I did not see them fully embracing my ideas and thoughts. I struggled because I wished I had an older brother who had “been there before” to take in his advice. I struggled because I believed they could be better than I was in multiple facets of life if they put in the effort. I struggled with my regret of not doing things differently and not wanting them to make the same mistakes I did. I struggled with them taking my time for granted. I struggled with seeing how they interacted with each other compared to my relationship with my twin brother. I struggled with the fact that all of these “struggles” were my perception from my mind. I struggled with the fact they are 18 years old and want to do 18-year-old things. I struggled with the fact that they wanted to have fun with me, not always “work hard.” Ultimately, I struggled with the fact that they have their own life, it is not my life, and they can do what they desire. Through reflecting on these “struggles” I have opened up ways to be a better brother to them. I am their big brother, I just need to be there for them through anything.

The question of how you are as a sibling is worth reflecting on. If you have shaky relationships with your siblings, it is worth it to try and fix them. Consider how you were a cause of the problem. Even if you have great relationships with your siblings, there are ways to change, think about things differently, and interact in new ways, to foster an even better relationship. Relationships with siblings are different than anyone else in your life. Mend these relationships, maintain these relationships, cherish these relationships. There is beauty in these relationships.